Oh the Places You'll Go

I happen to get myself into some crazy situations with a lot of crazy people, here is my attempt to archive the stories I have collected over the years.

Oh Boys!

I arrived a few minutes late to class this morning. When I walked in, the professor stopped speaking and everyone turned to look at me. I took the one empty seat in the front of the room and I couldn’t help but notice everyone else in the class was wearing work boots and flannel and had a beard. After the gentleman across from me tipped his camouflage John Deere hat in my general direction the professor continued speaking. 

I am apparently the only girl insane enough to take Outdoor Pursuits this winter.

Hooah.

My “Blonde” Moment - FML

I could not care less about learning every pop-culture trend or owning whatever the latest technologically impressive gadget on the market happens to be. 

In fact, I spent a few loathsome teenage years secretly criticizing the very fact that my peers could not be bothered to converse meaningfully with one other. I mean really? Was it so hard to pass a note in class, make a simple phone call, or hang out at the mall after school??

Today it dawned on me that my peers were probably communicating through cellular text messaging and other various social networking websites that were becoming increasingly popular online.

Go figure!

The Commandments according to 2-year-olds

1) There is no other mouse but Mickey.

2) That’s my Play Doh, you can’t make stuff with it!

3) Don’t say my full name unless you mean it.

4) Play with me all day.

5) This is MY Mommy!

6) No hitting, or time-out.

7) What’s a dull tree?

8) Swiper no swiping!

9) My neighbor has a lion in his basement.

10) I want a lion; ROAR!

Dear Driveroftheminivan,

First of all, your ability to parallel park your van with just one tire on the curb is most impressive. When I parked my car in the space in front of yours today I only managed to get both my tires aligned next to the curb.

However since your large fender is over the line just a smidgen and I parked my car in the middle of my space to allot reasonable room for another car to park ahead of me, I somehow made the mistake of getting my bumper a mere 4 inches from your fender; I hope you don’t mind.  If you decide to move your van out of its fantastic parking spot for the first time since the semester began in August, I surely wouldn’t mind moving my vehicle for you sometime before finals.

-Ciao

Evil Curl strikes again

My former Puerto Rican roommate has long black curly hair and it was easily noticeable when she shed; her hair was everywhere. The “evil curl” is the best way to describe how three ladies rooming together for two years have come to pick up on each others idiosyncrasies: the evil curl is twisting like a corkscrew into our brains at night, taking root into our thoughts, and turning us into each other with its evil mind-controlling curly capabilities!

This weekend both of my former roomies are visiting the campus and I couldn’t help but notice that some things never change… much. 

The evening found the Ginger lying in bed with a bag of cheetos and ice tea, gnawing on her headphones while watching obscure television shows online, and cackling out loud to herself. At one point, she successfully handed a bag to the Puerto Rican with her toes(impressive). And, (as I type these words,) the evil curl is at work, curling the poor Ginger’s bangs into one unicorn ringlet in the middle of her forehead.

Meanwhile, the Puerto Rican has cravings for coffee and bananas and wakes up at odd hours of the morning in search of antacids. 

Following suit, I expect that soon I shall be brushing up on my random Disney trivia & musical knowledge, and will be debating with my theatrical friends about a theoretical victor in a gladiator battle between retro cartoon characters. Or perhaps I may just pull on my hoodie, pop in Nightmare Before Christmas, and go to sleep with my stuffed lion-I mean bear!

The creek is a great place to dust out your appliances at night

I went down to the creek this morning to do some homework, as I often do. And after hopping the fence, I happened across a rather befuddling display of items left behind by some well-meaning individual, I’m sure.

The relinquished items: a pair of black ballet flats, discarded faux-fur coat, and a trail of a dozen or more empty aerosol duster cans surrounding the bank near the water.

Fortunately, I did not happen across a barefooted, coatless diva flying high as a kite on a windy afternoon.

Road Rage

I hate to lose arguments. I also tend to get road rage when people do annoying things while driving.

I was driving on my college campus and some loser was going too fast and failed to yield when I assumed every student knew to yield and I started turning. So the dumb car almost rear ended me and, long story short: we ended up parked by the sidewalk arguing for a good two or three minutes about weather he had a yield or I had a stop

I hate to lose arguments, but I lost this one because, apparently, the officer I cut off outranks me.

Camp Counselor: 1,567. Campers: 2

After six consecutive summers of being a camp counselor and only losing one camper, I thought I had a pretty good track record. 

My last week I had two counselors-in-training and left my cabin of seven campers in their capable hands to help some campers from another cabin in the lodge about a 45 minutes before supper.

While I was in the lodge, one of my CITs walked in and sat down; no problems yet. About five minutes later I left the lodge, walked into my cabin to find one CIT alone in the cabin. 

Me:(looking around at all the empty bunks) Um, where are our campers?

CIT: I dunno… I think they went to line up for supper. 

Me: A half hour early?

CIT: (sighing) I’ll go look for them.

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

Squirrels Scream in D#

I’m proud of the fact that my vocal range tops out at a high D#. Often, I enjoy screeching it out, especially when campers are screaming at me and I want to show them that their counselor can out-scream them!

One day, at the archery range, I hit this note and apparently caught a camper off guard. He whipped around, looked at me, and asked: “Was that a squirrel, or is your whistle broken?”

Fact:

Some friends were wondering weather or not I rehearse these stories in my head before I tell them. 

Are you kidding? Stuff this good has got to be improvised on the spot! I only know them so well because I tend to use the same stories over and over :-P